I Mean It

Chitose You x Dewa Masaomi

Summary: After getting drunk at a club, Chitose crashes at Dewa’s house for the night, revealing something that he has long kept hidden.

It was three o’ clock in the morning when Dewa was awoken by a loud pounding on his front door. He tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but no matter how long he waited, the repetitive knocking didn’t stop. He finally decided to leave the comfort of his warm, cozy bed. Half asleep, he put on his glasses and regretfully answered the door.

Much to his astonishment, but not the least bit out of character, stood a rather disoriented Chitose. He leaned against the door, barely able to lift his own body weight. The boy was clothed in a plaid red shirt and a brown vest, and he was drenched in the stench of alcohol.

“Chitose?” Dewa let him inside and closed the door behind them. This wasn’t the first time Chitose had unexpectedly dropped by. Dewa’s house was closer to the club, so the helplessly intoxicated boy would come here instead of walking back to his own home. It was, however, the first time he had stopped by at this ungodly hour.

“What the hell, Chitose? You reek of alcohol!” Dewa said as his friend leaned on him for support. “Where did you go?”

“The club.”

“As I thought. So, who’s the unlucky mistress that you preyed on tonight? The poor soul is going to wake up with a broken heart.” Chitose would often sleep with random girls he met in the club, and every morning he would disappear before they woke up. Dewa wasn’t sure if they actually had their heart broken, since it should have been obvious that it was only a one night stand. Nonetheless, he resented that kind of crude behaviour. If he hadn’t known Chitose for so long, he would probably resent him, too.

“No one.” Chitose said, still leaning on Dewa.


“I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

Chitose felt Dewa’s shoulders move up and down as he laughed. “Hopelessly drunk and you didn’t get laid. Tonight is definitely not your night.”

“Shut up. Stop moving so much, I’m going to puke.”

Dewa sighed and dragged Chitose to the bathroom. “Seriously, you’re going to stink up my whole house with rum…or gin or whatever the hell you drank.” Chitose just grunted in response.

The irritated boy threw his friend into the bathtub, clothes and all, and dumped water all over him, soaking him completely.

Chitose sprung up and screamed. “What the heck are you doing, Dewa!?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m washing away that awful stench of yours!” he replied as he aimed the shower head right at Chitose’s face.

“But my clothes!”

“Your clothes stink, too.” Dewa stepped out of the room and returned with a neatly folded pair of pajama pants and a sleeveless undershirt. “My parents are out of town for the week, so you can sleep here for the night. Change into these once you’re done showering.”

“What about my underwear?”

Dewa froze and his face contorted. He completely overlooked the fact that by soaking Chitose he would also soak his underwear. He was tired and hadn’t been thinking properly. And he wasn’t about to share his underwear as freely as he shared his pajamas.

“B-Blow dry it.” He said, crossing his arms.


“Seriously.” Dewa pointed to the drawer under the sink where the blow dryer was kept. He walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Who the heck does he think he is, disturbing me so late at night? I won’t be able to fall back asleep after all this. Dewa plopped on his bed and rubbed his eyes. Despite what he said, he began drifting off. It didn’t last long, though. He was quickly awakened by Chitose, once again.

“Hey, Dewa. Don’t fall asleep so easily!” Chitose shook the bed to get the other’s attention. Water dripped from the brunette’s hair onto Dewa’s face as he looked up. “Where do I sleep?”

“Where you always sleep, you idiot. In the guest room down the hall.”

“Can’t I sleep here with you?”

 “Why the hell do you want to sleep here? This is my room!”

“Well, I’m already here anyway. And the bed is warm since you’ve been sleeping on it. And I’m tired so I don’t want to walk down the hall. Oh, and this room has a bigger window. And – ” Chitose’s seemingly endless list was cut off by Dewa pushing him out the door.

“Hey, hey!” Chitose called.

“Shut up and let me sleep in peace!” Dewa had pushed him all the way to the guest room and dumped him on the bed. “You’re seriously such a hassle. Do you have any idea what time it is? Why did you have to come here? God, I’m so tired.” He said as he rubbed his eyes again.

Chitose slowly sat up and glanced downwards. His eyes were sleek and mesmerizing. But they were also sad and fragile. He forced a weak smile and spoke softly. “Sorry…I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” His head was bowed slightly, allowing his thick hair to fall across his face.

The boy’s sudden expression caught Dewa off guard. He very rarely saw his friend in this sort of solemn state. “D-Don’t be sorry. I’m just cranky. Go to sleep.” He sighed and scratched the back of his hair.

“Wait, uh…” Chitose mumbled, still looking down.


“Thanks.”  His forced smile turned into a pitiful look; it was the face of someone who was burying their emotions deep inside, crushing their heart in the process.

“Yeah, yeah. Go to sleep already.” Dewa was about to go back to his room when he heard the three words that would turn his entire life upside down.

“I love you.”

“W—” He froze for a second and stared at the one sitting on the bed. It took a while for him to collect his thoughts.

“Alright, I get it. You’re ridiculously drunk, ok? Listen, I’m not some girl from the club that you’re trying to hook up with. It’s me, Dewa.” He said as he waved a hand in front of Chitose’s face. He flicked him on the nose, trying to force some sense into his drunken friend before turning around again.

Chitose grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the bed. He rolled over the other, pinning him down with his body. “I know it’s you. I love you, Dewa.”

“H-Hey!” Dewa’s body stiffened. “You’re drunk!”

“I’m not drunk.” Chitose took a hold of Dewa’s hand and pushed the boy’s palm against his chest. Dewa could feel his friend’s heart pounding against his skin. It was racing so fast, he thought Chitose would faint.

“I’m not drunk.” He repeated. “I mean it when I say I love you.”

Dewa was about to push him away, but his gaze met with other’s. Chitose’s eyes were slanted down, avoiding eye contact. He wore the fake smile again, like he was pretending everything was alright, even when it clearly wasn’t. It made Dewa’s heart feel like it was being painfully clenched between someone’s fists. In just a few moments, his life flipped a whole one hundred and eighty degrees.

“Y-You know I’m a guy, right?”

“I know.”

“…Are you gay?”

“No. I’ve never been attracted to any other guys. Just you.” Chitose hung his head lower. His voice was quiet, almost inaudible.

“Out of all the girls out there… you can get practically any girl you want.”

“Those girls don’t mean anything. I see them once, and that’s it. They’re just someone to pass time with.”

“Then…why me?” Dewa lowered his voice to a whisper.

A long silence followed. Neither of them spoke. Chitose removed his partner’s glasses and caresses his hair.

“Who knows.” He finally said. “Maybe it’s because…you’re always there for me. People come and go, but you’ve been by my side, no matter what. I guess…you’re the one person who I can always come back to.”

Chitose’s voice shook when he spoke. He looked directly at the person underneath him, not trying to hide his eyes. He left himself completely vulnerable to whatever ridicule Dewa might throw at him. But Dewa simply stared back in silence. For the first time, he realized that Chitose was lonely.

In the past, Chitose had a very harsh break up with his girlfriend. It damaged him emotionally and he was never able to open his heart to anyone properly. He jumped from woman to woman as quickly as he could, leaving them as soon as he got bored.

But in the end, after all those years, all those women, Chitose had cherished Dewa the most. More than a friend, more than a colleague. Dewa was someone who would never leave him, someone who he could depend on. More than anything else, Chitose didn’t want to lose him.

His eyes grew heavy as Chitose lowered his body and rested his head on Dewa’s chest. “I love you, Dewa. I love you…” he repeated until he finally drifted off into a sleep.

The other boy, half blind without his glasses, lay still on the bed, looking up at a blurry ceiling. Dewa didn’t know if he loved Chitose back, but he did know that he didn’t want to push him away. He let the warmth of his partner’s body engulf him as he, too, fell asleep.

When they awoke the next morning, Chitose didn’t remember anything. What happened that night was a secret, lost to everyone except Dewa.   

11 Jan '13 | 9:33pm | 35 notes
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